Can i have it all?

Image Courtesy: http://themomcoach.typepad.com

Oh my God! I am totally at crossroads in my life right now. It is comforting to know that Laksh also went through the same thing. I am so torn between working full-time and being there for my son. I know very well that he is getting the attention he needs and is being well taken care of emotionally and physically, yet I cannot get over the feeling that I ought to be with him. I do not think it is guilt. I just think that I enjoy being with my son so much that I miss him during the day when Iam at work. I would love to work from home at least 2 days a week, but I do not have that choice now. Even if I work from home I do not think that is equivalent to being with him all day, focusing on him, doing fun activities with him. I just miss that. I have the choice to quit, but that would mean more struggle down the line – giving up a good career and starting all over again. Since you kids will need you in some way or other for the next 10 years, re-starting a dead career will be more of a challenge, when you are not doing something. As it is, this break has been difficult for me, as I took off from the workforce for 2 years. A mother is not allowed to take even 2 years to raise a child? I really hope the work environment offers more part-time and flexible options for mothers. Also, I really hope the workforce is lenient towards mothers taking a break to raise their kids. In the end, it will be a win-win situation, because happy mothers mean happy kids and happy kids hold promise for better generation that is secure and high-achieving. As a mother, I never underestimate my constant presence in my son’s life. I wish I could have it all!!!

Resolve, Determination, Persistence really means..

Read Iron Woman

Americanized

Well, what should I be doing now? Studying, applying for jobs, catching up on sleep, exercising?? After all this is my break time (my son is napping). Instead what am I doing? Blogging. Why? Because it is so very difficult to stop and capture the train of thoughts, for a later point in time (anyways there is no later point in time to blog).

Coming to the topic, isn't it strange? I mean to love the things we once hated and to hate the things we once loved? Here are few examples:

When I came into this country I had to work in an ice-cream shop. Of course we got free milk-shakes and ice-creams anytime we wanted. I wish I knew more about fat/saturated fat/trans fat/empty calories back then, I wouldn't have made ice-cream my lunch and dinner. Well, I always thought I would be a 'back of bones'. I was wrong. Age and weight catch up with you fast. Anyways, back to the point..I used to hate mint-chocolate chip flavor. I used to think why do "these" people like this tooth-paste (min-choco ice-cream used to taste like indian tooth-paste to me) so much?

When my roommates used to drag me to Tacobell, I used to crave the indian wrap (whatever they call them, i forgot the name).

I used to love the idea of returning back to India to live close to my relatives. I loved the idea of meeting them everyday and they being part of our lives and spending time with them. I loved the idea of joint-family system.

Fast forward, 9+ years:

I really like indian tooth-paste for an ice-cream.
I crave tacobell food over the indian wrap.
I am happy being in U.S of A, my independent self, leading an independent life-style. I hate the constant interference of relatives when I go to India. I find life claustrophobic with too many rules to adhere to and too many pretensions to live by with my relatives constantly hovering around us. However, I love to live close to my parents (i hope that does not change :-)).

Sometimes, it is scary to realize that you change so much. Is this what they refer as becoming "Americanized"?